“New Ladycare™ Tampons will not only relieve you of all debt - they’ll bring your lost loved ones back to life!”
“Everyone who knows about UltraMax™ Hammers knows that when you buy an UltraMax Hammer, it’s like the greatest orgasm of your entire life!”
Okay, so those two aren’t real, but judging from the kind of things we’re being promised in adverts these days, brags like this are just around the corner. Listening to the radio on the way to work the other day, a pleasant female voice informed me that: “…there’s nothing better than English apples and pears!”. Yes, apparently if you searched through the entire universe, and put yourself through the overwhelming vastness of all possible human experience, none of it would quite compare to the taste of an English apple or pear. Thanks for the heads up guys. And to think - all this time I’d been thinking the most dizzying high available was seeing the happy smile fade from my friend’s face that time he finished unwrapping the Tupperware container full of wolf guts I got him for his 17th birthday.
In conclusion, may I suggest to the world of advertising tone it down a notch or two before we’re being told “The new UltraBurger 4,000 from the MeatHut™ can and will repair the gaping hole in your personality where a sense of purpose should be!”
Fiddlesticks!
I’m quite sure that I’ve seen this entry somewhere before. Perhaps Sam’s blog. Maybe you are Sam. Oh God, you’re moses! Arse.
Pivo
Hahahahaha. I especially laughed at the part where the almonds got embarrassed. I know how they feel!
update more often. twats.
… and turn off moderation. i’m sorry for being rude before. i really like you guys and want to join in your party.
Hi Ed.
ah you complete twats. how do you know my name? twats, twats, twats with a big long rolling aaaaahhhhh sound. Nick schmick.
You and your fancy WTV stuffs. I guess you found this linked from Warwick Blogs. Try as you might, you can’t beat us, but maybe you can join in our party. Maybe.
have been WTV-free for a good eight months now, happy to report. you may rest assured that I am in no way trying to beat you. will join the party if there’s a free bar. E.