Fort Awesome

Well that certainly shocked you all into a bitter silence, so well done there Moses with another of your songs from the black heart of something something.

Well its been another long day at’ mill.

Actually, no it hasn’t because it was a fairly regular length day at my very non-mill-like office where I proceed to do things entirely unlike any kind of milling. Instead I’ve begun to wonder if someone hasn’t already expressed, even these sentiments, and every kind of thought, feeling and experience possible. The longer one experiences the world the more the world seems to repeat - endless similarity, scrolling and looping. The fragile cerebral cortex, drilled into submission by these constant assaults on its boredom glands, sinks ever deeper toward the hind brain and its simple gratifications. Gradually with age, these reflex pleasures are needed to haul each of humanity’s flacid meat sacks beyond the finish line of another day. Coffee, cigarettes, exercise, the smug joy at deliciously executed face punching; we’ve gorged on them all a thousand times already, but still they stir something in that precious fluid sack that pumps forth the requisite chemical satisfaction.

Well, despair no longer as your futile and tedious existence is about to be totally justified. Put enough monkeys together and give them a few million years and its almost mathematically impossible ( I checked on an abacus) that they won’t spew out something worthwhile. In this case, that something is Rock Band. Just whisper it with me…

Rock Band.

Finally, an experience previously only available to the select few has been hardened, tightened, commodified and injected with a galactic syringe of genius. Its imminent release brings to mind such great moments in human history as the discovery of fire or the first time a man got punched in the face so hard the fist came out the other side. To look upon its majesty is to know the final and only truth; that to play this game is the fulfillment of your destiny, it holds the very meaning of your life entire.

I fully expect new religions to be formed in its wake, old ways of living to be torn apart, petty concerns will soon have to find their place amongst state mandated Rock Band days. Within hours of its release several new drummers will have mysteriously exploded leaving only the distinct smell of a pounding drum solo. A man will turn up to hospital his hands mere bloody stumps - he just couldn’t stop playing. The nation’s hearts and eyes will be torn away from the likes of X-Factor forever; Simon Cowell drastically torn apart by hungry wolves over several agonisingly televised hours. The world will be destroyed, raised up in a molten shower of pure Rock; and then it will be remade anew.

Its coming and soon nothing again shall ever be the same.

Little whisk,
Alone on the platform,
Where are your mushy peas,
Forgotten.

Little stone,
Suddenly a big delight,
Beyond your lies, definitely a,
Superstition.

Great mistake,
Where is the truth?
You know the one, its kind of like,
A Glokenspiel.

The problem with you is that you always get angry at the wrong things.

Take last week for example when you got annoyed at that old lady muttering behind you in the supermarket. ‘She had eyes like over cooked lemons!’ you squawked; maybe she did, but it wasn’t the old dear you should have been getting in a bother over. No, your ire would have been more rightly directed at the European Union - how can anyone not mutter at perfect strangers when there is a no-nothing jobsworth straightening our bananas in fandango land? It’s just not possible.

Then there was that time on Tuesday night when you became irritated trying to squeeze the last bits of toothpaste from the tube, swearing and shouting at it you were as it refused to budge. Yet it’s not the hard working toothpaste tube designers, who you were so quick to blame, at fault here. Not at all, my dear. It’s the immigrants. How can anyone concentrate on the finer points of squeezable paste dispensers when a simple walk down the high street turns into a hideous gauntlet of foreign thieves gushing ever deeper like a tsunami. How can a man focus his razor sharp mind when at any moment the vicious bastards are eyeing up the cash in his pocket, the curves of his wife and the steak in his trousers? This whole country has gone to the dogs, and those dogs are probably from Poland.

Then there was yesterday when you were so upset with me for spending the whole afternoon smoking cuban cigars and beating hookers with my slippers. Yet how can I be to blame when it is society and your own over-inflated expectations that are the real culprit here. You should be focusing your hammer of hate on the real evil of woman kind being allowed to dream and think above their simple capacities. No, by far the best thing is for you to just let me do the thinking in future - I’ll be taking care of deciding exactly who you are allowed to be cross with. Just in time too, as there are some important issues coming up - like exactly who is responsible for me not having a more expensive dog. My bet is on it being either the gays or the poor behind this particular conspiracy, and if I’ve learned one thing its that I’ll certainly find out the answer down the pub.

We’ve all seen it by now. Through the cracks.

Its obviously great, of course. How could it not be after we waited for so long. It was good and we had fun didn’t we? I’m sure I remember some fun. Oh yes! We definitely laughed, that hollow croaking as we rocked back and forth, with foam forming on our lower lip; laughter! Oh yes! We remember how it seemed to stare back inside of us, what a happy time! Oh yes!

We must have been having a great time then, especially given the extended length of time during which we had anticipated its arrival. The longing had grown so mighty it almost feels hollow inside now, but it can’t be because of all of the great times we must be having with it now its finally here. We almost certainly can’t wait to be with it again, why wouldn’t we want to be with it all the time? Why would we ever leave it? We can’t have we must be with it right now. We just can’t quite touch it because of the nailed in place planks. It must be here so close by. Close by and monitoring us. How wonderful it must feel to be so close to it as we are now. As it gets closer to us all the time.

When we think back to the moments before its arrival they seem like the most alive moments of our entire existence, but obviously they can’t have been because it’s here now, and as we read, it’s going to change our lives forever for the better. It certainly has to feel better to have our life so perfectly enhanced, now that it’s finally here. It’s been here all week so we must be really happy now. We’re sure we are, thats why the water is dripping from our eyes, the water wants to get closer to it too. Oh yes, we don’t imagine people like us could be feeling much better than people like us should be feeling. Just as long as it stays in the kitchen, and we never leave this corner. Oh yes.

Oh yes.