We knew a turtle once. His name was Robert. We used to call him Robert the turtle, which in hindsight was quite a suitable name for him. “Hello Robert,” was the term we used to use when greeting him, and “Goodbye Robert,” was the primary method of wishing him farewell after having shared a worthwhile conversation. It would be fair to say that all conversations with Robert were worthwhile, thus lending a small amount of redundancy to the previous statement. “Robert,” we’d begin, in the approach to an inquisitive question, “How much ice cream could we eat before having to go to hospital?” And in his wisdom, Robert would turn his head in that slow turtley way and reply, “Quite a lot.”
We learned a lot from that shelled creature, and we like to think that he learned a little from us, although to be honest that is highly doubtful; Robert’s base level of wisdom was too high.”It’s too high,” we’d exclaim wistfully, much to Robert’s confusion. He just wouldn’t understand; perhaps the one thing he wouldn’t understand. It didn’t matter because he knew most things, and most is surely enough, especially when compared to less, which incidentally was another thing Robert used to say sometimes, though not always in a particularly relevant context.
One day Robert left our village, and went off to be an investment banker. We like to think that he’s the best investment banker around, though we haven’t seen his portfolio; hopefully it is well invested in turtle-based ventures, or at least companies working in that general field. Business is indeed booming, and it is turtle shaped.
What the hell is this