Fort Awesome

We are no longer Number One on Google. Oh bugger. As Timon and Pumbaa once mused:

“Thought of changing my name.”
“But what’s in a name?”

There’s been a lot of discussion recently about names and the opportunity to pick and choose them. This isn’t something most of us get to choose, or at least don’t bother with any concerted effort. There are the rare occasions where you get to choose a name for something or someone and have the metaphorical World as your metaphysical Oyster. When this opportunity presents itself you must take advantage of it and choose a name that is, well, Awesome.

Fort Awesome seemed like an almost obvious choice when it came to choosing our abode’s moniker. I struggle to remember any of the other candidates. I think “Sam’s Fuck Barn” may have been one of them, but I also may have just made that up for comedic effect. The name has mostly stood the test of time. It even survived a house-change, like Air Force One, only without the fighter escort. However it has become obvious that ‘awesome’ has lost its impact; most often the name is simplified to ‘The Fort’. Has the name’s time come and done a runner, like a pocket-watch with roid-rage? The initial disappointment that the name was not unique, turned, thanks to Google, into annoyance that we weren’t the number one hit. We have now had our time in the sun, and that time has passed. Is the name now so ingrained in each of us that it is heresy to even contemplate a different name; further sacrilege to consider another name as superior in the Comedic Arts? Alas New equals Funny and usurpers to the crown have made their piece, and it is funnier. Don’t burn me at that petrol-soaked tree, but The Trungalow Of Lusty Menance is good. We are officially Old News.

The second name-related thoughts come, irrevocably, to myself. You see I have two first names, but only a single surname. I am unable to answer the question “Does Jeff have a surname?” with anything better than the now-tired “No, it’s like Cher.” Jeff should have a surname, but it cannot be Jones. Jeff Jones is a leper in its lameness. But I have no idea what would be better. Jeff was just right at the time and anything else would seem forced. Maybe, like The Fort, it was of its time and cannot be altered. Or maybe I just need to open it to the audience.

Just as long as everybody doesn’t start fraking calling me Geoffrey.