Fort Awesome

Noun

Sameurism (plural Sameurisms)

1. (gaming) The inevitable result of too much rage whilst playing on-line games.
   If Dan keeps getting so angry he’ll have a Sameurism.

Etymology: A portmanteau of Sam and aneurism.

See also: Ragequit

At this festive time of year we sing songs to remind us that it is definitely a happy time, and to amuse and educate the children. Fort Awesome proudly presents its own dramatisation of one of these stories, so that we might again think about the true meaning of Christmas.

 Rudolf the Magnificent Reindeer and his Useful Nose [4:55m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

We are no longer Number One on Google. Oh bugger. As Timon and Pumbaa once mused:

“Thought of changing my name.”
“But what’s in a name?”

There’s been a lot of discussion recently about names and the opportunity to pick and choose them. This isn’t something most of us get to choose, or at least don’t bother with any concerted effort. There are the rare occasions where you get to choose a name for something or someone and have the metaphorical World as your metaphysical Oyster. When this opportunity presents itself you must take advantage of it and choose a name that is, well, Awesome.

Fort Awesome seemed like an almost obvious choice when it came to choosing our abode’s moniker. I struggle to remember any of the other candidates. I think “Sam’s Fuck Barn” may have been one of them, but I also may have just made that up for comedic effect. The name has mostly stood the test of time. It even survived a house-change, like Air Force One, only without the fighter escort. However it has become obvious that ‘awesome’ has lost its impact; most often the name is simplified to ‘The Fort’. Has the name’s time come and done a runner, like a pocket-watch with roid-rage? The initial disappointment that the name was not unique, turned, thanks to Google, into annoyance that we weren’t the number one hit. We have now had our time in the sun, and that time has passed. Is the name now so ingrained in each of us that it is heresy to even contemplate a different name; further sacrilege to consider another name as superior in the Comedic Arts? Alas New equals Funny and usurpers to the crown have made their piece, and it is funnier. Don’t burn me at that petrol-soaked tree, but The Trungalow Of Lusty Menance is good. We are officially Old News.

The second name-related thoughts come, irrevocably, to myself. You see I have two first names, but only a single surname. I am unable to answer the question “Does Jeff have a surname?” with anything better than the now-tired “No, it’s like Cher.” Jeff should have a surname, but it cannot be Jones. Jeff Jones is a leper in its lameness. But I have no idea what would be better. Jeff was just right at the time and anything else would seem forced. Maybe, like The Fort, it was of its time and cannot be altered. Or maybe I just need to open it to the audience.

Just as long as everybody doesn’t start fraking calling me Geoffrey.

BBC News continues its trend of “a thing that causes cancer”-a-week with this week’s exclusive:

• Multi-vitamins - Not especially funny, but another great example of something that is meant to make you better making you dead.

Now where did I put my gun?

I realised that nothing has been posted to the site in a while and it makes it seem that we have dropped off the face of the earth. We haven’t by the way. In fact, the earth is round, so it would actually be quite difficult to drop off it.

So what has been going on in the Fort?

Well work has begun on a new game (well an old game in a new language), currently codenamed Hamburger Necklace. Currently me, Nick, and Dan are doing the coding at at present we have rudimentary graphics, the data loader, and the sound loader finished. Stay tuned for more updates…

Also, Nick and Moses are currently working on a nice animated piece. I say nice, it scares me to my soul, but I bet it’s still pretty funny. That’s still in the early stages so more info soon hopefully.

Oh and the light in the bathroom has stopped working. We don’t know why. And we have tried changing the bulb.

To introduce this story I should start by saying that I have a new job! It’s pretty ace, in fact I’m there right now. I do Web Support for e-lab and although that my sound boring, it’s not. The people are brilliant and I work about 20 feet from Mannion, which is nice. Anyway, the office is a bit confusing because of the 2 Mat(t)s, and sometimes there’s a Pat as well. I’m wondering how long is best to wait before I should mention the idea of calling me ‘Jeff’, and I thought I should maybe explain the backstory to the name for those who don’t know.

What’s that you say? Jeff’s not my real name? No in fact it’s not. It’s not even my middle name. It all begins some time ago when some of my friends from Coventry Adam, John, Dan, Phil, Gaz who shall remain nameless kept getting my name confused with that of another friend, Mike. Now I’ve known these people for years which made it all the more annoying. Their excuse was that Matt and Mike were really similar so it was understandable. Not by me it wasn’t! So I decided to make it easy for them and just blurted out “Well just call me Jeff! That’s not like Mike!”

Why Jeff? Well I’d always liked the name and it always reminds me of a scene from Wayne’s World 2 that some of you may remember. It’s worth noting that it’s Jeff. Not Geoff, or Geoffery, or, god forbid, Jeffery.

Anyway. It didn’t catch on. No-one called me Jeff and I pretty much forgot about it. Then came uni and the other Mat. I tried suggesting the Jeff idea again, in what has to be described as a much more confusing situation than ‘Matt and Mike’, and for some reason it stuck. Now everyone in Leam calls me Jeff and I’m sweet with it. I’ve even stopped responding to Matt at home.

So there you go. Now you know the story. I keep trying to convert my Coventry friends but it seems to have less of an effect. Never mind, they’ll come round some day.

Heavy Machine Gun